is summer fun? no..its hell..

yeah you have no idea. summer is hte worst thing that could happen to a swimmer. your stuck in teh sun ALL day getting sunburnt, dehydrated, and jsut tired. you train in the morning and work the rest of the day. a lot of siwmmers work for their coach so u cant miss pracitce and than go to work. or vice versa. and then the only way to do summer skool, evening classes. rough. no friends outside of swimming. no life. nothing. heres probably the worst summer im about to endure. and imma come out of it wit a bang!!

normal day
wake up early for monring practice..time tbd in fremont
10-12 irvington coaching SA
12-3 free time to eat, sleep, or go to tutoring
3-4 summer team at ohlone
6-8 general psych at evc

and then wake up agian. somehow i need to fit in the half hour drive everywhere. the time i have to change and wait ofr my sister. and food. yup.

and on weekends. meets or workout.



when will i see my bf? idk. wen will i see my frineds? idk..when will i see my family? idk. i hate summers.

dispair

so this whole week has been a rough one. lets see
monday:
monday feels so long ago. it feels lik months ago i dont even remember wat happened on monday. i guess it was a brown day. umm..nohting that i remember too much. i think it was already a bad day tho.
tuesday:
gold day. this was a shitty day. it all started with me almost rolling my ankle in the beginning of hte day walkin to second period. and i think i took a test in religion. and hten i went to math and did horrible on a quiz. i dindt kno anything and i got soo confused. and then i at lunch i had to sell raffles and i was copying aimees french hw. m. battle walked by me and caught me. we both got referals and aimee was hella mad at me. to make it worse we both had fuckin french class NEXT TO EACH OTHER!! and kmae wasnt there and m. battle decides he wants to make it more awkard for us and makes us partners. sooo awkward...and then we had to serve detention and we didnt even look at each other let alone spoke. and so that was bad enough. and then i had to go to swim practice and drive home. oh god it was soo hard to drive home. i jsut wanted to cry and sleep.
wednesday:
one year anniversary of my gmas death. this day was doing ok. i dealt with eerything pretty well. i was able to spend the whole day without crying. well the whole school day. i went to swim practice. and then wen i got out marques wasnt in teh library like he said he would b so i went searchin for a half hour lookin for him. i was soo mad. i left tearing up from frustration. and then i went to that case studies thing at bell. and then cipi decides she wants to butt into my convo wit adam wen i was talkin to him about how i dont lik how usc is surrounded by ghetto areas and she pops in and says "no its not, stop tellin ppl that" i guess i said shut up or something. but then she texts me and says something about yellin at her. eww get over yourself seriously. get over it..dont cry. and it is surrounded by ghetto watts and etc. u cant deny it everyone knows it. i mean if u feel comfortable there than fine but i dont and thats all i was tryin to tell adam until she fuckin cut me off. and then she tries saying something about how come aimee and i ignore her all the time. and im lik wtf ur misinterpreting something cus me and aimee arent talkin anymore. and then she goes 'well i dont wanna get into the middle of htis" watever i wasnt fuckin askin her. watever and then i was lik yenno i dont need this i hav enough to do today. and then she goes so do i..and i said well it happens to b the anniversary of my gmas death so how bout u back off. and seh stopped thank god. hella dumb. seriously back off i wasnt tryin to confront u i jsut am defending myself form someone who thinks they kno everyting
thrusday
my best firend and i finally talked again! finally. we were fine and stuff and we talked. i had a meet. and there was soo much drama. hella dumb knoch made us all race each other in the 100 free for our 'relay spot' i figured out after a while that he was full of shit. he wouldnt take off hte girls on the record breakin relay. he jsut wnadted us all to challange ourselves.
friday
fuck today
i hate it
it was fine i guess
and then marques decides hes gonna go to fuckin garrets party. i dnt even wanna talk about it anmyore. i was soo pissed off i wanted to break up with him. i wanted to go onto his myspace and facebook..end our relationship. take me off his top friends. delete wat i wrote on his page. i was soo mad!! and then i went to practice. and i was in a bad mood. debbie comes up to me and tells me to smile while holding my face. i said 'please dont' and back away. and then she was helal mad told me that iw asnt practicing. i mean i was jsut tryin to get some of my own space. i needed to b alone. thats all i wanted. i wanted time to myself. but practice really let me let out all my anger. i was soo full of anger. sooo soo angryy. i hav never felt soo frustrated i was shakin and everything. but after practice now i feel a lil better. im calmer. idk wats gonna happen wen we finaly talk. ughh. so now i jsut wanna sleep. and cry. and feel sorry for myself. no i dont feel sorry for myself. i feel bad for my attitude. and i promised marques i would change and fix everything. thats wat i need to do.
sat
high school service at my sister's swim meet.
gmas prayer service and talent show wit cousin deangelo singing well done by passion
sunday
culture proj at zachs
cemetary
mass


i think i am done now.