big weekend

not really. hahahah. well i got to see my boyfriend from thurs morning to sat morning. it was great we had a lot of time togehter and everything is jsut perfect between us. so yay me! lol. then jon dropped me off at my swim meet at sjsu and i did ok. all the rest of the teams were in so much better shape than the rest of us so they were kicking ass and we were all tired. and then yesterday we had to work at a masters swim meet. all day that took forever i was soo tired took a 2 hour nap after and then went to dinner and did some hw. its really not excitng lol. but wen we were watchin the masters swimming yesterday i totally decided that these ppl were sooo cool! that wen i get older i am goin to do masters swimming with jon and we are gonna stay in great shape lol. there was this 66 year old guy that was the world record holder in his event. bossss. lol. they were super cool. oh and morten came on a recruiting trip and i basically took care of that poor child on sat night. ehh. dont really feel lik talkin about it. dont really feel lik bloggin much actually. its gonna start to rain soon. well tomro actually. and kyle is here actually i think since there is not school at st francis and i think i am gonna hang out with him tomro since i dont hav practice since we hav the 20 hr rule and we worked on sunday. so at least i dont hav to wake up early this morning. so i dont hav any interesting classes for him to see lol so not that exciting. i have my first dual meet on friday. so exciting. lol. against reno. hopefully its not too bad. i missed weights this mornign because i wasnt feeling very good and i def woulda hurt myself or soemone if i lifted. tis a lil more dangerous to do that. ok time to do some online hw during this fuckin stupid class. love you all!

btw go check out teh ucdavis athletics page and check out our teams and go see the sf alum and their pics and profiles! im there too!!

workload chemistry

Date: October 7, 2009
Time: 1:56 pm
Class: Workload Chemistry
Prof: Chubbic
Location: Wellman Hall room 233

OH MY GODDD!! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME. the class hasn't even started yet and im hella bored. ive decided that i will bring my laptop with me every single class and this is when i will fulfill my blogging requirement. so the jist of this class is that its a review course for chemistry because i did not pass the placement test. i didnt pass my math one either so thats lik a freshman algebra class however. its not that bad because the class i half filled with athletes and everyone is hella chill. our prof is hella cool and i usually rush over from practice so i hav some sort of food in my hands. however, in this class its not so fun. we barely cover anything interesting or imp because it call can be read in the book and/or all of the imp stuff is done on our online homework which is all really gay must i mention. so basically she is going over basic chemistry again in a very slow pace so i find it quite annoying i jstu wanna get outta here. so i decided today i will b online and talk to ppl to make it seem lik i am takin notes..which i usually do but they really arent any help at all...so maybe i will take a few notes but mostly jsut do this and talk to jon online.

tomorrow jon is coming to see me! i am really excited because thursdays are my least busy days i have morning practice at 530 and then am free till evening practice and then math class after. i hav a quiz tomro and hopefully i can leave after that. and then friday morning i have a lecture after weights and i am done till afternoon practice. then after that i am going home with jon and stayin at his place for the night. then at 10 am there is a swim meet at SJSU..if u arent too busy come watch and support!! i love you all! hahhaha.

so swimming is hard. i am the slowest sprinter on the team and a backstroker but guess wat we are lookin for fast backstrokers and im not good enough. its a tad bit stressful when you have this running throught your head sometimes. it kinda sucks. and yesterday we did this test set...and test sets are sets that you get timed doing..pretty big sets and you repeat them throughout the year to make sure that you are improving or not. lol. so basically i improved a tiny bit. but i was soo ughh because wen we first did it...it was the first day of preseason adn i was right next to morgan and we paced off of each other. and yesterday we were right next to each other and after the first 2 100s she just jetted off with the rest of our group that was aroudn the same times and stuff. it was the most frustrating feeling everrrr. i hated it soo much. so i was gettin really frustrated during practice adn stuff but its ok. im over it. lol. it jstu sucks because wen ppl even feel their worst it doesnt matter because they are better than me. i am never going to do any better. but i cant give up. jon gets really mad wen im upset and mad about things lik that. so i guess i better stop thinking like that lol. ok well im done with talking for now. gonna do some reading for my seminar. so much reading...ughhh

love you all!

college

hello,
kiki said that i need to update my blog. i am sorry i kno i promised to write on here so everyone can see wats going on in my life in the lovely town of DAVIS. however, life is rough and has many obstacles that requires many sacrafices....therefore..i do not blog a lot..i dont go on facebook a lot. i dont socialize with my floor. i take naps...eat...study..swim...bike..and lift. these are the essentials of my new life wat some might call college.

today i will find some time to update you on things in life. there might be days where i will actually type a lot and some where i might say a few words..or weeks without a word. but that does not mean that i do not love you all...its jsut life is catchin up with me and there is no looking back. i wish i had more time to talk to my high school friends..and family. or anyone at all. here in davis i have one group of friends..and that is my swim team. every now and then i get to spend some time with kmae and shelley..and if im lucky andre. i see tony around campus every now and than..hopefully i will be seeing him soon once he starts doin polo with his team because they train before us. life is overwhelming..hopefully soon i can manage it all where i can start having fun again. rite now its hard to have fun because its been 2 weeks of class...lots of work to do for me..its nonstop i swear. lectures discussions swimming lifting..its all back to back. and naps are so important here..and guess wat. my floor is rediculously loud its almsot impossible to sleep soemtimes. its quite dissapointing at times.

simple update...
friends...wat friends? jk. my best friend here is prolly morgan...ive known her since i was 8. we met at a swim meet waiting for lane assignments to post and it jstu went uphill from there. its and awesome relationship. we alwyas text...and we live very close to each other. so we bike to practice all the time. and we go to lunch with our other teammate grace who is from san diego. its a really good close group. and there is bridget too..but she deserves her own blog..lmao. and then there is my swim team. there are some i can really tlak to and trust. the sophomore girls..i love them. i knew most of them before coming ehre and i completely adn utterly trust them. and my captain o' captain. julie peri. is fricken awesome. and so is samantha. its a great combo we got going on. and on some nights the whoel team comes to eat dinner at the dc with us. its great. i love settin up big tables with a large group of ppl. it makes me feel really good. the boys team doesnt really interact with us but they seem to be gettin better because we have two freshman boys who talk to us and then some of the junior boys are starting to talkt o us as well. and they eat dinner with us too. tis a lot of fun.

boyfriend....is perfect :D jon and i are doing great. the distance is really hard but we try to fix it. he does a great job with tryin to make it easier for us by driving over here to come see me every other weekend. its wonderful. he puts so much effort out for me that i feel so loved. hes really funny and he really relaly helps me out here. esp since i am soo stressed out about college and all this workload. he teaches me how to manage my time and wat to do first. i am so glad taht i was luckky enough to get him. i always had the biggest crush on him..esp wen i was younger but i never thought it could b real. and now that it is its more than i could ever know. i jstu really miss him a lot. the distance is difficult.

ok this is enough for now. i think ill try my best to do this more..its helps me vent and let it all out. and im sure if ur bored u dont mind reading it all. sorry for the lack of consistancy.

love you all!!

he told me he loves me...

ahhhhhhhh!!! and it may seem so fast but he's liked me for 4 years. and im totally fallin head over heels for him lik no joke! i just am a lil confused not too sure bout things. but at teh same time i kno i hav never felt so strong and stuff..but im kinda lik not sure and going back on myself. lik how can he feel this way about me. wat makes me so special and privelaged. and watnot. so yeah.......

todays sched was simple:
- church at 10 am
- went to valley fair
- went to the apple store and bought: laptop sleeve, laptop lock, itouch cover, apple gift card for emmy
- went to go get a few other things
- went home
- met up with jon and went to emily's house for her birthday.
- jon was soo bored and i felt sooo bad!!!! but he wanted to see me and i told him i was gonna go so my girll on her bday. so yeah.
- then em had this puzzle out and her lil cousin killed it! she was so upset and jon got kidna occupied with that. hahaha
- and thats about it. simple but relaxing and good food.

yesterday:
- went to stockton
- got my itouch
- hung out with the cousins and doggies

tomro:
- pack
- go to get my shots
- go to get alterations done
- go to zumba......

i leave in exaclty a week. as of next week at 7 pm i am officially beginning preseason training. kidna scary nwo that i realize that it is coming up so quick...

and idk with jon. i feel lik his friends are really not likin that he hangs out with me even though its mostly during the day and stuff. and they blame everything he doesnt do with them on me. so i am not sure how much longer this will last. and i hope they dont make him choose between us and stuff. that would be horrible. rite now he is intensly tlakin to carl about stuff and lik jon and i arent even talkin even though we are on vid caht so i decided to blog about it. and i really hope this doesnt put a whole through our relationship cus that would really suck. i hate how they dont approve and on most cases they would approve of most girls he would prolly go for but its becasue they all know me and i hav known them the longest. lik ive known them longer then him. they were my core group of friends wen i was growing up on the team and wat not. i even dated one of them. and the fact that they are making this that much harder for him and that he is struggling and feeling stuck and confused.

theres this huge issue i guess with him texting me all the time wen he is hanging out with his friends and stuff. i guess its jsut really annoyin to them and now its startin to piss me off that the KEEP ON CONSTANTLY BRINGING IT UP!! lik jon and i agreed that he only will text me once or twice every hour or so. lik is that enough torture..that we agreed so that it doesnt make his friends feel uncomfortalbe and have more reasons to complain about me. but no they hav the nerve to say jsut dont text her at all. ughh. idk this is makin me feel very uncomfortable and very unsure about everything i have no idea wat i should be thinking rite now. lik wen i ma with him jsut me and him its perfectly fine but wen i am with the crew i feel the tension i feel the heat that they dont want me around. which is so dumb. wat did i do to make them lik this? is it because i still swim on the team and they dont? because i was successful enough to want to do my own thing and get away from them and have a real fuckin life. and they are jsut being stupid i am starting to really hate every single one of them now. i kno they care about jon but they could care less about me. so why should i care about them other than them beign his core group of friends. wat the fuckin hell is up with that. wat assholes would be so bitchy wen they all used to be my core group of friends. im gettin soooo sooo fuckin sick of hearing aobut them complain about things about me TO ME! lik seirously. i hear it all. i dont want to deal with it anymore. im jsut gonna have to sit back and listen and laugh with jon too but im gettin so tired of them. if he wants me to hang out with them im gonna pass from now on. even tho i really cant. i jsut wont do it because i am so tired of this bullshit. they dont want me there..i dotn want to be there. they want jon. and he wont focus on anyone else but me if im there anywyas. so its better off i jstu dont get involved with them anymore. they are all beign fuckin stupid. i hate this shit. its rediculous. next time they all try to im me or watever. i just wont talk to them. i cant stand this anymore. ughhhhhhh.

anywyas. so yeah im gone. soon. really irritated. barely even wanna talk to my bf right now. he's being all chill even tho he's irritated and is tryin to tell me to stop being so irritated. and gettin all upset with me wen i say i dont wanna talk rite now cus im blogging about thigns and venting my life away about stuf that i cant tell him because they are his friends. and he doesnt understand the pain and heartbreak i feel every time they do something stupid lik that. it really jsut hurts and i kno it shouldnt and its dumb im really jsut ughhh. anyways. so yeah i dont even wanna tlak to him rite now i told him to go talk to carl cus im irritated and jsut really wanna let all my feelings out rite now. and ughh this is so not wat the blog was supposed to be about. it was supposed to be happy and cheery and talk about how im leaving soon. but now im jsut kidna relaly annoyed at all these thigns.

so yeah im glad there is a such thing as blogging so i can let this all out and all my avid listeners ( i love u mains) or readers know wats going on in my life wihtout my needing to explain everyting in person and get more irritated. u feel me? ok i guess i better go and talk to my bf now he seems to be gettin a lil upset. that wouldnt be good if we ended a good day on a bad note.

i lvoe you all. i hope school is going well!! i miss u!
ria

today was a good day

hahha i love my rando imagesss..

anyways today was a very good day i will currently list all the reasons why and then maybe possibly explain more in detail
- i swam 3000 yards with karen
- i got to spend a lot of time wiht my bf
- he told me that he's crazy for me =]
- i made a skype account
- i took khrysten's vid chat virginity LMAO


reasons why its not so great.
- my dad is being a douche bag
- my mom is being a butt
- i still cant sign up for my classes
- i had to leave and not spend more time with my bf

lml and fml.

so yeah i was talkin to my cousin adn he was asking if jon and i were gettin serious and i was lik i dont think so. i kinda dont wanna think about that cus it will make going to college a lot harder and stuff. and then lik yesterday my friend was talkin to me about how jon and i planned on gettin together lik i was expecting adn hoping for it. whcih is totally polar opposite because he didnt even wanan tell me that he liked me. i mean i dont mind it but stil. but he siad somethin aobut us falling for each other. and im not sure wat that means but ive been thinin about it and stuff. and i jstu dont kno. lik he makes my heart beat faster than ive ever known. and i get flustered wen he kisses me.a nd i drive home speechless and motionless only thinking about him. and i guess he is kdina the same way. idk wat that means. i have always been his friend adn we've cared about each other that same way. and lik this is a relationship that only improves by our even now closeness. and its a friendship that will last but i dont kno if its more. if its growing so fast i cant even keep up. ah my head is spinning!!!! omg i dont kno wat to do! eeeek! ok i need to stop. i will talk more later. im going to stockton for a family thing tormo that should be good cus i get to see my cousins and kidna get away and watnot. lvoe you all. i hope things are going well!

ahh im leaving soon! i needa start packing. will do starting monday when he starts school

damn

omg so today i got an email from my women's studies teacher and it said that my class got cancelled! its my only class that gave grades and fulfilled GE credit ughhhh. so i hav been freaking out and i thought i was all set and everything i figured out my sched and i wont hav classes on thrus but then i tried registering today and i guess my pass 2 isnt till sept 3rd. so i hav to wait till then ughh. i hope no one takes those courses or else im going to DIE that means i am ineligible for school. how much would that suck. i hope id ont hav stuff lik that to worry about rite before i leave for davis. ughh now i have an even worse headache.

and i was talkin to my friend jaycob about doing hookah and stuff since khrysten adn ro were talkin to me about it and stuff. but i dont kno and i kidna asked jon about and it he said that its smoking basically and he doesnt do that. and yeah idk i prolly wont do it but im kidna confused cus he does weed and drinks a lot but he refuses to smoke..i relaly dont get any of this. but i just guess watever. i will jsut stick to dancing and sometimes drinking. hahahah. ughh.

so yeah ok well today i didnt go to polo today cus jon was hurting from doing muhy tai or watever yesterday so he was urting too much from going so i went to his house this mornign adn got so lazy that i jsut dindt go either hahaha but i slept for lik 12 horus it was redic. i got hella tired and took a nap and never woke up lmao. ok well im gettin tired and hurting a little. can u believe this my hair is growing alreayd!! im gonna hav to cut it sometimes soon.

ok time to go.

back achess....

currently just smashed yet another jamba juice...original aloha pineapple, thick with energy to be specific. lol

agenda for TOOO DAEEEE:
- woke up at 850 and wanted to shoot myself in the head lol
- left the house around 920
- got gas because i literally was running on NOTHING in my car
- drove to ohlone and ran into an old friend, karen, who used to swim on our swim team and ironically just graduated from UCD!!
- we got in and swam and then EDDIEEEE showed up who i guess came back from hawaii last night. but i was really excited to see him i really did miss that fool surprisingly
- we picked a set each person and then we just swam them all lol
- ashley kendell was there throwing around the ball and karen was talking to her. i eventually joined her and after that was history. i was having wayy tooo much fun throwing around the polo ball
- i miss playin and throwing and have so much potential and skill. i feel so cheated from that stupid car accident it makes me so upset
- so after playing with only swimmers for a while i started contemplatin on playing with the big boys aka college boys aka jon's friends. hahaha awkwarddd to the max
- so yeah playing and stuff was fun but it kinda made my back really hurt so now its aching =/ maybe i shouldnt play tomro...
- and then i went to the animal shelter with jon and OH MY GOD those doggies and kitties were SOOO CYUUTEEEEEEEEEEEE i wanted to take them all home with meeeee!!!
- so yeah i have this huge urge to go adopt some dogs now
bahhh ok no more bloggin im vid chattin with em. ttyl

sick

im gettin sick..fuck my life.
i almost passed out as i was packing up some of my stuff.
im sweating hella bad rite now
i want to cry
my head hurts
i want to sleep but i cant
i dont know wat to do
should i swim tomoro morning?? yes i believe i should
should i go to the animal shelter with jon?? yes i believe i should
should i go to zumba with ash tomro evening?? yes i believe i should
should i get some rest?? yes i believe i should

i have no idea what i should do!!! oh my god!!! i am fuckin dying rite nowwww


on a lighter note..jon bought carl's (my ex) mac laptop so now we can video chat and actually talk online welcome to the 21st century baby. hahaha. he set up his account today finallyyyyyy. hahha so yeah. maybe i should be sleeping now. im not feeling too hot. lets see if i actually wake up tomro

another sunday...

hmm.
date: Sunday, August 23, 2009
time:11:22 am

plans for today
- sister is cuttin her hair and donating it to locks of love
- so is my mommy
- i read the guidlines and i totally could have donated mine..but i didnt know =/
- currently texting aimee nguyen about boys and how they always find their way to us. we cant stay single for long periods of time. its a curse i tell you
- my boyfriend is currently watchin inglorious bastards with his mother which sounds lik a good movie so i must watch eventually
- i plan on starting to pack for preseason cus once i get that done i can start packin for move in day
- move in day: sept 19th!!!!
- preseason starts: sept 6th at 7 pm
- we go on a 35 mile bike ride!!!!!!!!
- 2 more weeks to spend as much time as i can with my friends, family, and boyfriend
- i need to pack for two weeks of hell training...but i think im gonna pack for 1 1/2 and jsut wash clothes
- i am pretty sure i almsot have everything for my dorm so i can start packing those things
- i need to buy a couple things mostly for my bike and electronics aka my mac. lol
- im super nervous about tyrin out for the team yet i am so excited because i kno i can get along with everyone there
- and davis in general just takes in people wiht great unique personalities it makes for an interesting campus
- i swear to god i will do my best to convince all of u reading this that davis is the place to be!! haahha
- why do i feel lik i have barely anyone to talk to online anymore...go on aim! badunkadunkchunk
- im ready to get the ball rolling. im in this huge waiting stage..and ive been waiting since may 19th when school was over for me.
- ITS MY TIME! nd i am ready to show the world what i got!
- i need to clean my bathroom today yuck

live life! love it! cherish it!

more college shopping...

so today i went to all kinds of stores with my mother to do more college shopping to just make sure that i have everything that i need. i visited:
- bed bath and beyond
- old navy
- victoria's secret
- walmart
- luckys

lol it took all day to shop there it was so long. i am so tired and exhausted now! i bought a couple things for my dorm at bb&b and then i went to the other stores to mostly go to and get clothes and stuff so i think that i am all set and stuff. so yeah that was mostly my day and then i got home for lik a couple mintues and then i went to my gpa's house to go pick up my daddy and sister. my gpa looks good and everything seems to be alright. i am currently watchin bolt! the dog is sooo cute at the beginning!!!! jon is going to take me to the animal shelter on monday finally so we get to play with all the puppies! i am so excited! so last night wasnt that good for me. jon and i were kidna arguing over misunderstandings and stuff but we figured it out. it was us jsut getin frustrated and mad at each other it was so dumb but in the end we both know that it was stupid and we are both over it haahahaha. so weird. so yeah i am currently watchin bolt it is very good so far in teh first few minutes that ive been here. miley's voice is hella annoying tho. wahhh!! i just saw the part where its only a movie! hahah i never new wat the story of the movie is. thans for the comments andrew and ro. i will try to make it more entertaining and wat not!

summahh

summah summah. why have u been so good and so bad to me? i do not understand? lol. so today and yesterday were good days. my boyfriend came home so i went swimming at ohlone in the morning and then i went home to get ready and shower. and then jon came over and we went to go to santana row to go eat at pink berry.. which is lik my favorite now sorry blush lol. i hella like the passionfruit (which jon got) but i really liked the pomegranate too. it was hilarious because we were so close to tanya's (jon's psycho ex) work aka cheesecake factory at valley fair. i fuckin ran into her wen my cousin took me to a grad dinner i lik hid from her it was rediculous cus she hates me so much. basically we hav a history because jon and i were really close and she didnt lik it and thought that we were cheating and watever. so she bitched me out over the phone one time. ehh so basically she hates both of us. anywhooooo. lol then we went to go see if they were playing movies but we had jsut missed them. so we went to go eat at maggianos. that went really well. we laughed a lot. =] and then we went to eastridge to watch district 9. at first i was lik wtf is this shit hahahahah but i really liked the end of it. it ended well. and then went home.

and then today i went swimming and jon went to polo so wen i was done swimming i watched them play. it was hilarious cus jon doesnt really know how to play yet so i was jsut totally enjoying the entertainment lol. and we went to eat and jsut hung out and joked around. it was hilarious. we had a legitimate arguement between CCS vs NCS in front of his dad lol. my mommy called me and said that my dad wouldnt be coming home from idaho today with my sister and grandpa because they had to take my gpa to the hospital. i guess his nose was bleeding and he was throwing up. but i guess b/c my dad layed him down..which is one of hte worst ideas. he needed to sit him up pinch his nose and put ice on his neck. i mean its a lot lik a bloody nose but the hospital is that is was a ruptured nerve. but everything is ok. i think he was dehydrated cus its super hot there. so he is flyin in tomro mornign while my dad and sister drive the car home. so everything is all good. i also foudn out that my aunt is moving out today. long story i dont really feel lik explaining. im just waitin for my cousin to call me back so i kno if he needs me or not. this shit is rough.

so yeah basically summer is good because i hav a boyfriend that cares and doesnt make things too serious. he jsut knows how to have a lot of fun and be totally relaxed and chill all the time. i love it. yet my family is still ehh. and im lik ehh on swimming too. debbie sent an email out saying we start swimming sept 2nd. thank god. i am really excited about that! thats wat i needed was to get real intense trainign before i leave. phewww. so yeah. meh. i dont kno wat else i feel lik talkin about. maybe i will come back and blog again tonight. but yeah.

love you vu tang!

im so bored outta my fuckin mindddd

FFFFFF MMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL





hahahahha. ok so basically i am really fuckin bored. let me try to do a recap of everyting that i havnt posteed since..well...mexico haha.
- i am currently writing on my very new and lovely macbook pro 15'. it is silver. normal. and i love it.
- yesterday i went to lunch with the vu-tang. i missed all of them all so dearly.
- we swam at the pool near angela's house jsut like we did the very first day of summer..and it was their last day of summer. <3
- then i went shopping with kp at newpark mall. bought 2 skirs, 2 shorts, and this piece of skanky attire lol
- i feel lik im broke and worthless at teh moment
- this morning i woke up at the very late time of 9 am (for most ppl thats early) hahah and went for a swim at 10 am with ashley. i lvoe that girl. she makes it so much more fun to go swim without a coach
- after swim we went to eat at panera with kristen.
- we told lots of stories
- went to verizon so kristen can update her new phone
- stayed at ash's for a little bit
- then i went home..went online..decided that im tired so i went for a nap which i have jsut woke up from
- and yet i am BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!
- i wish my boyfriend was home
- i was a tad bit disappointed when he didnt go to polo practice this mornign even though nick went (he is campin with him too) but i guess he is still hurtin from teh training they did yesterday (for boxing) bah
- i have T-minus 2 weeks to start packing for davis
- i start preseason sept 6th come home afternoon of sept 18th. leave again to move in my dorm sept 19th. sweet. i wont have time to see jon =/
- i found out my dorm yesterday. segundo area malcolm hall =]
- my roommate..i found her on facebook. we added each other during the summer. we really get along. and we met at orientation. me her her friend amber kmae and shelley all got along which is such a good sign
- her name is bana she has teh microwave..i got the fridge and rice cooker
- romoorho bought me a rice cooker as a going away present wen we had our NOLA reunion dinner
- kyle couldn't make it to the dinner and i still hav somethin for him from mexico
- we are exclusively jsut friends to those who wonder
- last night i went to target with my mom and bought a shitload of stuff fo college mehhhh
- everyone is leaving already and a few of us are just stuck here waiting for our turn...
- but at least i start early for swimming which i am super nervo for!! i have to try out for the team. and i guess we go camping, on a hike, and biking!! ahh and of course lots of swimming today
- "if it kills me" by jason mraz is one of my fave songs of all time
- during the summer i discoverd the love for aj rafeal.
- yesterday i gave jesse all of marques' stuff..i felt a huge relief
- i mostly swam this summer..and worked. was always sleeping or driving in between so i never had time for blogging sorry
- i never went out to a single party
- never really hung out with anyone besides swimming ppl
- went to lunch with kirk to finally eat our pho before he left for cold city (west michigan)
- orientation was a blast i met so many great ppl!!! i cant tell that i lready am gonna love it there
- i have no idea what i am going to do with my life from now till sept 6th. i guess jstu start packing and go work out
- i am not ready to pack up my life and move on in all honesty.
- im ready to get away and meet new ppl. start a new life. but im not ready to leave this one behind..most especially the ppl i know who are my true friends...
- this summer khrysten and i bonded a lot and same with kp.
- i had soem on and off good friends in swimming. i think of all things i am just really ready to get a new set of ppl to swim with
- im going to miss the high school friends and life i had..but at teh same time i am so over it and ready to move on
- i had a good group of ppl at SF and teachers who liked me..some who didnt. but overall i have so many great memories there and i grew and learned so much..but i think i am ready to use those skills i learned at my new destination....
- i am so ready and in LOVE with davis.
- summer is summer..and its almost gone. my life is about to change in a matter of weeks and i hope its all for the better. goodbye old life...hello adulthood
boyfrienddd callingg...update more laterrr

new man

so i am so very sad that i havnt been updating this but now i am. this is for you andrew and ro! hahah. so if u didnt notice from the title and the picture. i have a new boyfriend. marques and i broke up beginning of july. it was supposed to be mutual but then he started yelling at me and that didnt go so well. lets jsut say he really hurt me so that is never gonna happen again. so yeah that failed basically lol. and then well long story short. jon is my boyfriend. we've been friends for four years..used to swim together. we are really close friends. and all of a sudden i started seeing more and more feelings coming from him and i used to hav this fat crush on him. basicallyyyy story cut short..we got together on aug 11th. blah blah. hes perfect. amazing. doesnt have all these rules for me. its so chill and relaxing. he makes me feel special and wat not. but hes camping and im missing him lik crazy. he comes home on thurs...i hope it comes soon! i'll prolly jsut sleep so i can let it all pass sooner. ill try to update more! esp wen im in davis. love ya'll.
<3
vic

June 12, 2009

8:20 am

Today is my 21 month anniversary with the boyfriend. These are the last few hours before I cannot use my phone. How sad. My mom told me that no one better be calling or texting me. I guess I should be keeping my phone off. Aww man I want to cry.


So I have decided that I don’t ever want to fly with my father ever again. He’s so fucking annoying always has to ask questions and point things out. Its like his brain disappears. Retarded. I have decided that one of these days I will be traveling on my own or with ppl that know how to travel. It’s the best wen ppl move quickly and know wat they are doing the people in new Orleans were pretty good. I keep thinking aobut nola.


I need to fill my nails. I don’t know if I should fill it in mexico or when I get back home. I am not sure yet. There is one thing for sure. And that is I always cannot stand my father wen we are on vacation. I want to shoot them in the face. Ugh. So annoying. Omg just ppl really piss me off. I think whne I go on travel I get more common sense and I become more alert so when people say dumb things It really pisses me off. But they are things that I can see myself saying at any other time.


I don’t know if I should start reading kite runner. I am super super excited to read b/c I kno ppl say that it is really good. Bah I just need to remember to not picture the movie that’s all but It was a long time ago and I only remember certain parts.


So this place that we are going to is supposed to be so so beautiful I am going to take as many good pictures as I can. I hope that I am allowed to have some drinks. I don’t really lik alcohol anymore but I want to get a lil accustomed to it so I don’t get too fucked up if I decide to drink in college. Lol. Which I probably will haha not a lot I hope. Nothing too crazy. I am in it more for the dress up an dpictures and costumes. Lol. I want to be able to meet ppl my age at the resort. And ugh. I need to loose weight and workout. I keep eating. I want this amazing body that I just seem to never get. And I gained over 5 lbs! eww my life. I just want to cry. Ugh. How sad. I am going to buy a shot glass wen I get there. Just a ‘collectable’ which they are. And I can put it to good use. Yenno yee

4:44 pm (Mexican time)


Well hello I am here in mexico. Super super humid. I am in my villa! Oh my gawd! Thank goodness for my parents getting that timeshare with el cid at Mazatlan. We scored big time with this one. Its lik we are living in our own little home in this little town. We even have our own personal pool in the backyeard and the Jacuzzis are right across the street. And we have a very short walk to the beach. Hey big spender! Amazing! Oh mmm gee! But my mom doesn’t seem to budge about the alcohol thing. We will see. But I def wanna come back here. It is so beautiful I love it already but man am I tired. Ok I need to unpack.

5:35 pm

Oh my jesus. I am so tired from unpacking. That takes so long. It is so hot and humid here. I am most def wearing dresses and shorts here. And mostly my bikinis. I think I should take a nap and then maybe head over to the beach and scout it out. There are a lot of ppl here. Mostly weddings and I think grads from college. And I see a few girls my age. Hopefully there will be some eye candy too. I should try to do some good photography. Well I am going to nap.

11:44 pm

So tonight was good. The evening ended really really well. I highly enjoyed it. So I took a quick nap and then went on a walk to the beach w/ my mom and sistah. The beach has couches for ppl to lay on w/ pillows! How cool and modern! I love it. And then I went to the pool. Major love-making area. I was only there for a few mins and it was lik that. But I did see 2 cute boys. I wanted to go for a swim wen we got home but it is late and I got home not too long ago. Oh well. Isabelle is waking up for an early morning swim and I wanted to do a run but I have to wake up at 6! Eww that’s so early in the morning. But I told someone that I would do runs on the beach and he wouldn’t listen to me. He thought that I had no capability of doing it. So I will prove him wrong.

So we went to this restaurant called cilantro’s. very high end delicious. I had Chilean sea bass. Well b/c I watch so much top chef I had to try it one of these days. The sauce was delicious and it was only 250 pesos. That’s under $20! Amazing. The sauce was a red pepper and then they grind it for the sauce. And then I had dessert. It was fried banana w/ a kahlua sauce. So delicious. I have never enjoyed a high end dinner so much in my life. We must have been there for hours. oh and our head chef was Mexican and Filipino! So sick! That’s prolly where he got the whole fried banana idea from. It was lik turon-ish. We were going to meet him but it got busy. Then we walked on the boardwalk and along the sidewalks of the beach. It was a lot like Waikiki w/ how it was set up . oh m gee. So many clubs! I wanted to just go in and start dancing. I am most def coming back here w/ friends to borrow the time-share and to go out and party lik a rockstar baby! It looked lik so much fun!

And then there were some art vendors. And there was this guy doing the spray painting art work and it was so fricken beautiful. I went and go one myself. Watched him make it most esp for me. He kinda uppoed the price but they deserve it. And I need the money. I don’t blame them so I gave it to them. Most esp entertaining. I am always being reminded of deangelo b/c everyone here is driving his car. His vw.

I cant sleep. Bah. Night.

June 11, 2009

8:01 pm

So I am here in LA nd today we went to the garment district and it was kidna hard to find. But my mom and I went to these stores and they were ehh. I went into this one store and I found this pochahantess (sp?) dress that is super super cute. I can find many reasons to wear it but first and foremost the plan is to wear it at Halloween. I think It is super sexy enough. Nd there was this blue dress. Short. Sophisticated. All done up w/ a zipper so I can zip it all the way or pull it down to show cleavage. Lol. I found and envisioned many diff uses. I am so proud of myself for thinking of this and then I walked down the alley. That was a lot of fun but kind of tiring. I got these sandels that are super comfy for 14 but 16 with tax. Oh and those dresses for 13 each. The guy who sold the dresses said he had a son that is 18 but he lives in france and he is in college. Too bad. I bet he had a sexy accent lol. And then I got this really cute old ladies hat for $9 for wearing on the beach. And then I went to this prom dress shop and they had a knock off sherri hill dress for only $95!!!!!!!! Oh my fricken gawddd! My heart sank! I wanted it so so so bad! And then I wanted these spandex shorts but the guy was being gay and not bargaining. Jerk. I was so mad so I walked away. I wanted them soo bad. Ugh. I hope somehow find some in mexico. Ugh yeah basically.


I am phsycially tired and I cannot believe that I am leaving for mexico tomoro morning and if you really think about it I am not leaving for that long. I am going to be back soon enough so I better make the most of it. And I gotta document it all to put u on my blog!!!


So I was texting kyle today and he made jokes and wat not. I don’t kno. I was thinking aobut him a lot! Today. That is so dangerous. I really just don’t know at to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like the boyfriend and I cant last. Its lik the spark has died down. Theres no more excitement. So much serious. And I guess it is just like an old married couple. And I think the other one is just making it a lot easier for me to see that in my relationship. I think i am so much more into it. I just wish he would show just a lil more towards me yenno. Its lik hes playing along and it leads me on. Just making it harder for me. Eh I needa chillax. Peace.

June 6, 2009

Omg so basically F My Life. I have to pack all day tomro. If I somehow wake up. But that’s ok. I cant believe that I am leaving so soon. Marques wasn’t in a good mood but hopefully he will be bettwe when I leave for mexico. That moody lil boy. I just hope that I remember all that is very necessary. Hopefully I bring enough clothes b/c I have that problem sometimes when I don’t pack enough. Aka NOLA. Haha but that was when I was packing totally focusing on work only. This is totally diff. ok well I am off to bed. Hopefully I am able to fill this during my trip. But knowing me I always find a way to get moody and need time to myself.

(btw..this isn’t written in my journal but this was written in an avatar journal. Lol)

home sweet home

i kept a journal on my vaca. so i'll eventually post up everything i wrote. it is gonna take me a while so you'll always have something to entertain you if ur super bored. i am so happpyyyy to be home. i hate being away so i am glad i am here. and i missed my computer. hahahah. so i needa get going on this typing stuff cus i will not hav much time to do that wen i start work and stuff on monday. otay. love yah

wat a day

well today has been an interesting day. lots of thinking and contemplating and my head hurts a lot. its been hurting lik excrutiating. i dont kno if it has to do with the fact htat i got a larger dose allergy shots or if its from being on the computer for so damn fricken long every day and every second. hahah. doing facebook quizzes wehn no one else is online. so i leave in a matter of hours. no cell phone =/ thats going to be hard. no internet. but i think itll be nice as well. cus i need to get away and jsut chillax on my own. go visit my alternate reality called vacation where im single with no worries. going to have a great time. too bad im not actually single. ahhahahahaahha. but things with the bf arent bad for once i must say. i saw him yesterday we watched wanted on his laptop and for the most part its good. he promised to go to loopkicks training when i am gone. he better i have my cousin to check up on him. lol. i wnat him to train.

so a couple of things happened today. first of all i woke up at 415 and i couldnt remember why i was waking up that damn early. so i got up and i was supposed to go to breakfast with chelsea but she didnt show up. ironically i did that to her last week so that is kidna funny. but i was so fricken exhausted i was going to pass out soo bad wen i was lifting. then i finished took a shower. ate at panera. and then slept at kp's till lik 1130. haha went to chipotle target adn borders. then went to get recertified for cpr at happy fish. jon and nick were there. i miss them so much. i am so sad that we arent working at teh same sites this year. jon and i used to eat lunch together everyday during the summer and bonded lik no other. =[ damn it for my coach being my employer and making sure that all the swimmers work at ohlone so we hav no choice but to go to evening practice. i really dont wanna do that. ill already be swimming in teh mornign and working all afternoon. i guess ill be hanign at andre's house (hopefully) and kp's a lot this summer. itll be good. and we will b reading. making a book club. =] hhahahaha funny stuff.

omg fricken this one person that i dont want to say the name of this persnnnn. but he just really likes to piss me off and drive me crazy. he facebook chats me saying that he is single and then i asked what happened and then he goes ill explain later. that is sooooooo lameeee because it is so annoying. he has doen this before. he wont even talk to me. and he worte this thing for me wen we were on our trip saying that we should always tay friends blah blah. i tried. i really did. but it makes me mad wen there are more lying peices of shits in teh world. more fuckin douche bags everywhere. that is so dumb. who does he think i am. that i am gonna chase after him. i hate him more than anything rite now. lik wen i see a picture of him i cringe ughhh. it makes me sooo mad. i didnt think i would hav such harsh feelings and maybe its a lil too mean. but he played me lik no other. how do u play someone wehn its only a friendship? wat asshole does that? i guess he does. watever. i dont even kno.

but then there is that other child. i dont kno how to feel about it all. its lik i dont want to overpush talkin to him. and lik i feel lik im a fuckin annoying peice of shit. hahahah. wow who knew i could feel so small by another person. i ahvnt felt lik that in such a long time. but i jsut dont kno anymore. its soo werid. i try to stay away from texting allt het ime. but i just texted him today and we talked about how someone needs to text more. or something idk. it got awkward because he kidna made it awkward about the bf. idk. and after that i tried to tell myself ot back off. cus its soo weirdddd. i jstu dnt knoooooo. ughhhh. oh well. i am jsut gonna let it all sit back wen i go on vaca and see wat happens.

so yeah. to my loves. i hpe you all enjoy ur time wen i am away. i hope u dont miss me too much and u dont love life too much wihtout me.

I LOVE YOUUUUU

best friends

kristine, danielle, marcus, sean, aimee, everyone else in the whole damn world. wat is the definition of a best friend? who do you consider to be the person you trust with your life. isnt a best friend supposed to be someone who listens and understands. knows you the best. hears you out. tells u wen ur being retarded but holds secrets that keep you safe. is your best friend someone who will never leave your side or hurt you. how can one person loose so many ppl that were so close to them? i only have one best friend now. i used to hav three. and that best friend is supposed to be my boyfriend. and i dont even kno if he can even do both roles sometimes. he wont even listen to me on the phone wen i talk about how perfect next year will b. i jsut dont kno anymore. this point in my life is so full of questions rite now. i hope that if anything i will find true frineds somewhere soon in my life. college will bring me friends hopefuly i can get along with them. adam and morgan are two ppl who i hope i see as maybe being something close enough. i love those kiddies and i kno swimming with them is going to be so much fun. ugh. my head hurts. i went to andre's grad brunch today. that was a lot of fun. the boys played king's cup and melnick lost. hahah funny. andre's daddy is really nice. they offered for me to come over all the time which i hope to take advantage of. i want to come over all the time. and sleep over and wat not. easy to go to morning practice after. ok i wanna sleep ill jsut get this over with later another time wen im awake. goodnight

summer

credit to andrew nguyen for this photo. good work. so yeah i got cut off yesterday from all my talkingness because a someoneee totally messed it up. btw watchin so you think you can dance is on. soo goood!!! i jsut dont kno wat the hell is mia micheals problem with brandon. i think thats his name. but yeah she was jsut chewing him uppp and lil c too. that made me soo soo super mad. and that the alex guy. asian. isnt making it cus his ballet studio wouldnt stop his contract for a lil bit. he was cryingggg. i started crying too because it was soo sad. all he wanted was to express himself in the different types of dance. ughh soo sad.


so hmm. i am leaving soon on thursday. no phone for me til lik the 19th i believe. but ill b coming home really late and wat not. so that is bah. i hope that it is a lot of fun. most of the time i jsut dont enjoy family vacations because i am with my parents (whom i dont get along with) and my sister (who is too young to hav fun with). bah. im 18 and the drinking age in mexico means that i am legally allowed to drink. i mean why not. i hope my parents let. mine arent lik those other parents that let their kids go wild on vacations yenno. but my dad says that i am going ZIP LINING! ahh. i am sooo excited to do that. i have always dreamed of diong it. i can see myself flipping a fuckin bitch! omg i would go psycho! hahah and then he is gonna let me go umm idk wat they are called. on those water jets..i think. i hav been waiting to do that too. i needa go buy more bikinis cus i realized im gonna wanna change it up and stuff cus imma b in my suit hella! haha. its summer time i dont wear clothes i wear swim suits. i hope we do some other fun thigns. i think that my parents are tryin to let me enjoy my last vaca cus i doubt ill b going with them from now on. i mean colelge and stuff. im gonna wanna go out with my friends and stuff. and then i am gonna get an internship next eyar. and ill still b in school wen they go on vaca this time next year.


boys boys. omg boys. idk wat to do with them. esp my boyfriend. that one. idk wat is going on with us. it is so difficult. wat do u do wen i love someone soo much and then wen u are together he doesnt talk to you. you try to talk and he doesnt respond. you try to make it fun and he jsut is all tired about everything. i am so annoyed and i am borderline now. i jsut cant do it anymroe. but wen i try to end it..it hurts me. my heart breaks thinking of my life without him. wat are u supposed to do about that? and then i am just starting to see lik wat life is lik to be free and single. gah. and then wen he was gone on his fraternity thing i went out and tried to enjoy my week without him there. and i had a lot of fun. i had the best week of my life. lik the tiem to be able to spend with my friends was so great and precious. its the most i hav ever spent with friends outside of my swim team during summer ever! and lik i kno i wont see him this summer. cus he has work and i hav work and swimming. and hopefully he starts training. and he has so many personal issues that i dont even kno wat to do. he wont talk to me about it. and then half the time i feel guilty because i dont kno wat to say. gha my life. someone give me answers. i really do need help.


facebook tells me that i should be dating white. hahaha. thats kidna funny. and ironic in some ways.

bah i never talked about my hollister story. well i guess i can tell that now or later? hmm...wat should i do? maybe ill do it another time. or in a couple minutes. jomar has it on video. hes making a documentary for summer. ok ill post my story on a seperate thing later. love you all

vu tang assemble

hello hello. long time no talk. so today i went to angela's house with the whole group. the whole vu tang groupie. we did all that jazz. the girlies met up and watched bride wars. omg that movie is redic. hahah good girl bonding time. and then we went to the pool and swam with the girls for a while. and then the boys eventually came and we swam some more. there was way too much stuff going on. hahah. but its all good. i had a lot of fun. and then we ate ceasars pizza at the park. but i guess there is spaghetti here and i might eat htat too. hahah and i ate a lot of pizza!!! bahhh. ok my mood just got ruined. today was soo good. and i am so glad that i hav such a great group of friends. but i was texting you kno who. and it got too serious. and now i just dont even kno. ughh. why did this mood hav to get ruined. there was no need to make this all so serious. bah bha bha my life. i am super tired. idk when the last time i wrote was. but im all graduated. i hav been graduated but it feels lik summer has only started since today because i actually got to hang out with my friends. swimming has been so blah my life. its been hard mentally and physcially. i am leaving for mexico soon. i am not sure how i feel about that. i hope my dad is serious bout me going zip lining. cus thats the one thing i am lookin forward to. and prolly spending a lot of time to myself on the beach. cus on family vacations i spend a lot of time iwth myself. my sister isnt old enough for us to hang out which sucks cus i never hav anyone with me. its kidna gay. bahh ok im tired. dont wanna talk anymore bah to b honest. zah. watching so u think u can dance.

FUCK!

FUCK YOU MOM! UR BEING SUCH A BITCH! AND DAD UR A FUCKIN LAZY ASS COUCH POTATO! FUCKKKKKKKKK YOU ALLL I HOPE U HATE UR LIFE WEN IM GONE! I HOPE U NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN! FUCK U ALL! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

hellooo college!!!

omg there is so much that is going on in my life yet so little if you know at i mean. i am watchin so you think u can dance! it is my favorite show ever! i truely enjoy it. so there has been a lot going on i just dont kno wat i need to talk about.


lets start backwards if i can remember. so today i woke up at 945 to miguel's text. bah. so i woke up took a shower and then left to go to wells fargo. so i can be rushed into the world of adulthood. who knew that there were so many things to worry about in life with all this moeny and college and work. and debit cards and saving accounts. its all so much. who knew who knew. and all that. lots of signing. eww i hate my signature but supposedly its really nice according to kaitlin pham. so yeah i went to go pick up my sistah and i ran into cipi. it was funny she scared me. and then i went to costco for lunch and then acupuncture. and then i went to pick up kp at sf. yes i went back to saint francis. haahah i think ppl are gettin tired of seeing me. lmao. and then i went to drop my sister off at practice. omg i almost ran into my coach. i stopped my car. reversed. and got the fuck outta there!!! hahahhahahah then i waited a couple minutes and went to drop off my sister. funnyyyy. then i went to kp's house and we ate lots of food. we almost started to get work done but that didnt happen. we went on facebook and just started leaving everyone videos! hahah. good stuff. oh man it was wayy too much fun! but some ppl's facebooks were being so lamee it wouldnt let me =[ kp and i had way too much fun. yeah and then yeaaaaaa. hahahah kaitlin our love our stuff. OMG LIL C JSUT QUOTED TRICKING!!! if u kno wat im talkin about. tha stuff htat marques does! omg btw my mom is so fuckin annoying! why the fuck cant i jsut fricken enjoy my life. let me go out for once or else im never coming home during college. i jsut wanna b out and about. live my fucking life. shiiiit i wanna slap her in the fuckin face sometimes!!!! ughhhhhhhh


sooo. wats next. i hate swimming and i hate our swim team and i jsut wanna get hte fuck out. yea


before this i didnt do much either. i think i am going to hang out with miguel tomro. i wanted to go to emily's but i guess not. haha. should i go to morning practice? nah

my life is so complicated. what do i do..can someone tell me. i feel lik i hav no life. and nothin fun to do. so st joseph festival this weekend. i wanna go on friday and then go to a party after and jsut not tell my parents hahahaha. i should try to get a ride. yeee. i need to work on this davis honors challenge. gag my life. i cant wait for college. yesterday i hav learned that alex alyssa and buffy hav decided that they hav claimed me for preseason for swimming at davis. and anne litak and i are excited for the farmers market next year. and free hugs or deluxe hugs for a dollar. hahahaha yay college.

grad party

thanks for coming guys!!! i love you all! it was all very good. i am tired. time to recover and then emmy's tomro!!! yesss partyyy! night!

oh dear

oh dear oh dear. so ironic thing was that i talked about wanting to kno wat the other boy thought. and somehow it came up. oh dear oh dear. the tables have turned. things are diff. now i really am not sure wat to do. oh dear. oh btw my life is complete. the hottest guy ever to step onto our pool deck introduced himself to me. i guess working out and coaching has a lil bit more of an advantage to it. =] hottie hottie hottie let me see you pop that body. zayummmm is all i gotta say. shit wat do i do with my boyfrined? help? im so stuck

tears of love and confusion

tell me what do you do when you love someone so much taht the core of you hurts wen u cant please him. when you know that your not giving your all. he loves you with all his heart but u are not sure if u can give all of yours anymore because some of it is slowly going somewhere else. but you dont want it to yet you do. every cell in my body tells me to love the man who has taken care of me for the past 20 months. the man who gives me unconditional love and trusts me with all his heart. but i dont trust very well. and he knows that. i cant give him what he wants or wat i expect from him. im jsut incapable of doing so. is that my fault? why am i so hard to convince. why do i struggle with this? i am only fighting with myself. the answer should be simple. go wit the one u know truely cares about u. but how do i not know that the other one doesnt? i hav never asked. im too scared to ask wat he thinks of our conversations and texts. how do u ask something lik that? wat if its all you and he feels nothing at all? can you take the rejection? the loss of a new friend that has such a good heart? so most would say...its jsut a small crush at this time. but wat if im passing up on something real? how do i kno? what am i going to do with college? both will be far away but not really.one is in college. sophomore. more freedom. the other will still b in high school experiencing wat i jsut finished. and me. ill be saying hello to a brand new world and a new life. what will i do wen i meet new friends and new guys that might interest me? do i go thru all of this again? sometimes i feel lik having a boyfriend restricts me but at the same time he gives me so much love back so why am i complaining? wat if i cant control myself and i do something i will regret? i dont want to do that...but wat if i do? i do not want to hurt him. i dont understand why i am always questioning my love and relationships. why am i so confused. it all should be so simple and easy. but life isnt easy is it? no not really. it is so complex and filled with challenges that i dont kno i can always handle. i jsut hope i can get thru this with what i feel lik is going to be best for me. if i loose either of them i will hurt. i already lost one best friend. sean doesnt even talk to me. college please bring me more faithful friends.

hello world

well hello there world it has been a bit of a long time since i have been here. seems to me that it seems like my life would be drama infested and very eventful. i guess i can think of a thing or two to talk bout. you kno me i will rant about pretty much anything if you'll let me. =] its a gift i must say. so the last time i checked i wrote showed my letter that i wrote to OD. btw shout out to bryant! who throws yogurt covered raisins like a psycho path! adam will win! bahahha. so anyways. on whatever day that was..prolly tuesday. yes tuesday the day before kyle and michelle's bday. we had collab and kimmy tells me that miss hill was talking hella shit about me during bball practice. oh big suprise! whoop dee doo bitch! and then my uneventful day turned worse wen i was greated with a beautiful yellow pass sending me to the athletic office during 2nd period. we werent doing anything particularly special so i was glad to leav but i knew for a fact hta tit was probably about swimming. duh. so pilawski talk to me blah blah blah. listens to me say all these things that the coaches and other teachers have done to me ...lik hello! call the administration! harrassment perhaps? no cus pilawski who i used to think was such a cool guy is such a lil bitch. he wouldnt do anything about it but just try to pull the "well if u stayed on the team this long than why dont u jsut wait another week cus they need you" card. yeah the fuck right. i mean if i pushed and forced myself to keep doing this bs for how many months wat makes u think that i would want to do it on my last real week of school. i am so glad i made the decisions i did. forget it. and forget them. and fuck my parents! seriously they back me this whole time they even push me and stuff. and guess wat they yell at me ten times more about nothing. and aobut not goin to a walk on meet today saying that i promised to go. why the fuck would i go the day after prom? and most esp if i didnt go to ccs adn i wasnt training the week before. i am so tired of swimming. so done with it. i have passion but its not in the action of doing teh sport. its for the ppl that i do it with. i have passion for being a leader. i think ppl mix that up sometimes and expect somehting out of me that i dont want to do. i mean i am allowed to finally be selfish.i am going to college. this is when i become independetn and wen i grow by myself. i most def will not call my parents if they keep getitn on myi fucking nerves and ass about everything. it will all be exclusively by emial. cus thats all i do. i dont talk on the phone either. ok so after teh talk with pilawski i was in such a bad mood. i was crying everywhere. tryin to calm down and went back to class. i was so fumed and angry that the coaches had to send pilawski to do their dirty work. jsut email me back you dont need to talk to me face to face. well after school i went for a run with kp. that felt really good to get a good run and figure things out. just letting everythign go. yenno.

wednesday was kyle and michelles bday. if the day could have been any more perfect yet stressful. so it was my last day of tests and stuff. ex sci and math. yee yee. i was planning on studying during first period but i ended up havin to do stuff for the lil bday party. so i made the beautiful pink ice cream cake. so basically ms haggs put it away for me. and then at lunch i was pulled out of class early. and then i sent out passes to everyoen sayin that it was for a fundraising thing. it worked perfectly!! hess was there. we partied it up lik no other. and then kyle and chels were at confirmation. and so then carlie tim liz and i went to go kidnap him. lik really kidnap him with a blindfold and everything thru the whole quad. it was perfect!! so funny too he was freaking out. the suprise for him went well too. omg it just was so perfect. i hope that he really appreciated it because i planned the whole thing! yee yee. i kno hess loved it.

prom was last night. it was eh. short. ok i guess. im watchin a movie now. im too distracted.
peace

long day

Dear Coach O'Donnell,
This email is to inform you that I will not be participating this year in our CCS championships. Although I was able to qualify in the 100 back and get closer to my best time at WCALS, there are many other factors that have helped me make this decision. So that you know, my decision has been made and it will not change. I have discussed this with my parents, my club coach, and some of my teammates. I have thought really hard about everything that happened throughout the season and what I usually expect to get when i attend CCS. I know, for a fact, that when I am sitting there on Santa Clara's pool deck I will not be having the fun and complete satisfaction as I have achieved in my past three years competing in CCS.

This season has been a very big roller coaster ride for me. It all started off pretty bad from the very beginning with the confrontation between trollope, o'malley, and myself. I had teachers who were telling me that I was dumb for crying and making such a fuss, that I had no right to even have an opinion! They told me that I was just another student! But isn't this my high school career? shouldn't, we, students have a very big impact on how the season would be fun because these are our memories that we will never forget? I won't drop any names but there were definately a couple non-swimming coaches who were telling me this. I was heavily embarrassed and I did not like how this private information was being passed outside of our coaching staff and myself. Right then I knew that this season was going to be an unpleasant one, I almost did not come back. Why did I stay then might you ask? It is because of my teammates. These girls are the most special and pure things about high school swimming that i love the most. They are the reason why I pulled through. It was because they asked me to stay. So then I rejoined the team after not being allowed to go to Sectionals because I fell under two sinus infections and one flu back to back. Getting back into swimming was very hard especially with the workouts that were being given to us. No offense, the workouts had a good idea behind it to build the teams endurance before the racing season started, but they were the most boring sets I have ever gone through. Most of them were huge amounts of 200s or 50s that were at a way too big of a rest. And then the sets continued to be like that for the whole season until the moment we started tapering. I think that made it really hard for sprinters, such as myself, to get any sprint work in or get-up and go speed. Sprint sets need to be more complex to make it interesting. Not only were the workouts very boring, the line-ups never changed.

The first meet I swam the 200 free, which I am pretty sure I told you I really did not want to swim, and the 50 free. My 200 free turned out so bad because we were in an indoor pool that I could not breathe in and because I cannot swim events past a 100 anymore. I was also put into the B and C relays. At first this did not bother me too much because you were trying out the new team and doing line-ups for the first time. But then it continued and I was not being put into anymore individual events. See, the girls told me that I should talk to you about it and I tried to, but whenever I started to I got really scared because of what happened the first time I tried to talk to the coaches about something. I did not want more gossip spreading about me througout the faculty at our school. And what bothered me also was that I was never given a chance to even swim in the A relays. I was on the record breaking, CCS champion relay team last year! It was a huge disappointment. So I stopped caring and trying my hardest at your workouts. What was the point or my motivation? I was being ignored and I know for a fact no one ever got my splits off of the relays. This was my senior year and I was being treated like a nobody. So midseason I asked myself again, Why am I here? If I am so uncomfortable on this team why don't I jsut quit. And I almost did. No one gave me the time of day. Pretty much every person I knew from our competitive teams noticed and questioned it. The only answer I could think of was that none of the coaches liked me because I opened my big fat mouth that first meeting we had. So again, the question arises, Why did I stay? And again, the answer is because of my teammates. I stayed because I was the person most of them came to when they had a problem or when they needed someone to talk to. I told myself that I will go as far as WCALs where the points I score matter the most and I will stop there. CCS is a very individual meet for our team. We have a large group of talented swimmers but not enough to get first of second in the section and I know that I am not even close to being considered for an A relay, therefore, I decided that this is the time for me to pull out and let the rest of the team finish the season on their own. Hopefully, there is another girl who was able to qualify for the 100 back and now has the opportunity to swim it.

I regret not being able to talk to you about this after WCALs but I had to leave for church. I wish the best of luck to you for the rest of your season and the ones that follow. I am sorry that things had worked out this way and was not the experience that I had expected after last years achievements. I would really appreciate it if you did not spread this around to many of the other coaches and hopefully there are no bitter feelings. If you would like to talk to me about this in person, you may, but my decision stands.

-- Victoria Pichay


that was the long very long email that i sent to OD last night. so i guess now i am not in high school swimming anymore. today was a very long day. i had a physics test that i failed miserably. but supposedly ikezi says im fine cus i have such a high a. well idk. and today was jsut not good. i slept for lik a billion hours i feel lik ughh. my head hurts. i dont think i have any homework for tomro. so im safe. and i jsut needa do my math test and ex. sci test and then im doneski. i have the senior awards night on weds. and kyle and michelle's birthday party. i hope my paretns dont expect me to swim tomoro. im too tired. ok im out. night

results from wcal trials

so thought i would jsut let this out cus i am still a lil shocked that it even went that well for me. so basically. i swam teh 50 free. went a 26.0 and made the top 8. HOWEVER, because we can only allow 4 girls from our team to qualify for finals i go booted out cus i was 5th. oh well. thats fine. i guess today was the last time i saw that even individually in high school. and then i swam the 100 back. swam again haley and hillary from mitty. and caroline i jsut wanted to beat caroline. and i did but lik 2 seconds. mwahahha. and the coaches didnt ever let me swim that event. wat a joke. i killed it. i drafted right off of hilary and jstu took her speed. bahah. but now i have to find a fast suit to wear for saturday. and i have lots of work to do. =/ adn yeah. so i should get ont hat. and i need to look over stuff for my placemetn test on saturday. i am going to confirmation!! to watch all you peeps. i am kdina excited. ok im out.

wcal trial???

hey andrew! i kno that your reading this! bahahah. so anyways life is ehh. confusing. i am so tired because last night i stayed up till 12 wen i was planning on sleeping at 1045. fricken boyfriend and i got into some beef. again as usual. its annoying because he thinks that i blame him for everything which is sometimes true. but then at other times its not cus lik how can i not blame it on you if im hurting. if im hurting then something must be wrong. either from your side or my side. i tell him but he doesnt listen. he says he'll change or fix things but it gets worse and worse. i dont kno i am so confused. he told me that he is gonna try and fix things but if i am really hurting that he wants me to jsut end it. i dont kno anymore. i dont kno if college is gonnna work out for us. i dont kno if i have the trsut and stuff to really work this out. its sooo soo fricken hard being the girl that doesnt kno anything. he has all these new best friends from his fraternity. and he is always with them. i dont kno who they are. he doesnt tell me anything aobut htem other than the fact that they are his brothers. i mean sure i probably am a lil insecure. but i am. i admit it. its jsut really hard not knowing whats going on. and then i see pictures on his phone of him going off places and i wish he told me he does thtat. cus all he tells me is that he went to school and ate and slept. its the anal person inside of me that thinks he is hiding things from me. i dotn want to think that but i kno i will anyways. and then there are still those gross pics and videos of laina and ali throwing up. tahts kidnaish disgusting perhaps?? lik seriuosly i want to throw up watchin it. why would u keep that on yoru phoen. yuck.


so yeah now i am here. at school. in the library. gettin ready for school to start. i am leaving school at 1 to go to wcals at shp. tis not going to go well at all. i beleive taht i am going to fail miserably. more news to come on taht.


so school is almost over. this is near the end of my last full week of school. how crazy is that??? i have so many things that i am still stressing about. major senioritis but i dotn really at the same time. kmae and i arent rooming together anymore cus shelley got her appeal so now they are roomign together. no big. i wasnt mad at kmae but i think she thought i was. but its ok. its jsut the small fears came back. lik who is my roommate going to be? are we gonna get along? will my floormates be good? will i find ppl who really understand me? i am scared. but i def wanna bring a mini fridge. and hopefully my roommate likes rice cus i wanan bring a mini rice cooker. hahahah. and a tv. and i want a laptop. yea yea. but yeah college is so many scary things going on. so many ups and downs. so many maybes. its a scary world out there. i only am going 2 hours away but thats still feels lik a totally diff world. ill be by myself. no friends. well there are hella ppl from sf going but who knows wats goin to happen with taht. hopefully i make the swim team but they let me enjoy and hopefully swim fast again. holly deneffe got her appeal =] lots and lots of ppl are attending. so i only have to take one final and its in curley's class!! bahah curley!! i can just easily bs that shit. math grade is good. i am happy. hopefully all my grades stay up because if i have to take a final i am jsut ot going to study and my grades will fall cus i dotn care. i jsut nee this to be over.
almost doneski.

may 7 -- cipi's birthday, wcal trials
may 8 -- eglish presetnation, gov reading quiz, shoes for prom??
may 9 -- english placement test in aptos, wcal finals, prom shoes
may 10 - make cake for michelle and kyle's bday, make something for mommy on her day
may 11 - mothers day, physics test
may 12 -
may 13 - kyle and michelle's bday, sr exempt due date, math and ex. sci test.
may 14 - who gives a fuck!! hahah
may 15 - senior skip day!, nails, get rid of tan lines, sleep enjoy!
may 16 - prom! hair at 11, makeup at 3 yeee
may 17 - cut/color hair
may 18 - transition liturgy
may 19 - chill no finals!
may 20 - final/final, marques finishes school, chill
may 21 - curley final, senior picnic, yearbooks
may 22 - graduation practice 9-12, baccalaurete mass 7
may 23 - GRADUATION!! 10 am
may 24 - graduation party 12-630 ish (invites to come)
may 25 - sept 24 summer -- who gives a fuck im going out and living life!

NOLA PICS

slaughtered

today we had a meet against mitty. we seriously got slaughtered like no other! it was so horrible. but just unbelievable at the same time. cus we were undefeated before this and they jsut destroyed us. so i was thinking can u imagine if they went up against ndb. thats even worse. poor things.

so much has been happeneing. the blogging isnt really there. i havent been feeling it too much. today jsutin asked alyssa to prom. it was funny. he got an electronic car and wrote prom on it. i walked with it wen we went across teh street. it went well. i am a tad bit worried about him saying something about hte hotel room thing. and cipi is asking khrysten if we want to go in the limo with her. but we arent. and the room is so much cheaper. and im pretty sure our numbers are set and wat not. and mommy is fine with the room thing cus kats mommy is going to be there. which is awesome. and then we are all gonna get our hair and makeup by my couisn and her bff. well maybe. it depends but itll b good. hopefully my dress comes in lik soon. and i mean really soon cus i want to see it all. marques need to get his tux. and i need to get our corsage and boutineres. and stuff.

i am going to be baking a lot this weekend. i am going to try making ice cream cake as a practice round for kyle anderberg's bday and hess too. so i am gonna do that, brownies and/or choco cookies. my snickerdoodles are still very tastey. i hoep all the retreat ppl are doing well and i hope that they liked my letters. so i think i have a fat crush on the cute shy kyle anderberg. well sorta. haha hes so sweet and loving. hes so shy of girls so that makes him very loving and caring. kmill doesnt really talk to me. and i texted him today and he kidna texted me but not really. and hes nto telling me wats wrong in his life that is making things so hard. my head really hurts. i need to sleep. but i also need to do that math test. and i need to read. and stuff. i have to do my allergy shots tomro mornign. ughhh. no fun.

i sadly dont talk to my lover. he is so busy with midterms and his fone doesnt work. or he jsut doesnt text me back. it makes me very sad. that i jsut cant/dont tlak to him. so i mean its lik im single sometimes. i mean if we are gonna be away can we at least talk to each other. now its a full on jsut not talk and update each other aobut lives and wat not. ughh. its the weirdest feeling int eh world.

graduate soon. graduation party. sunday after...park near my house. everyone is invited. info to come.

so i guess its going to rain tomro and this weekend. oh speaking of this weekned. i dont really have much to do. well i guess i hsould be studying for physics and other school things. but i think that i will be baking. and then i might hit up the mall to check out bakers with aimee to look at shoes. and i need to figure out wat kidn of jewlery i want. cus next weekend is wcals. so its hard to do anything. but yeah bf is far away in sac. khyrsten needs to go dress shopping but she needs to do some other stuff. all the juniors are taking sats on saturday. no life no life. its kidna nice

omg i read my swim schedule for the summer. i swear to god debbie doesnt think tha we have lives ouside of swimming. how am i supposed to be going out to see ppl in the evenign? i swim int eh mornign. i work all day. adn then she wants me to swim agian. i dont go. fuck her. id otn care that much. i want to enjoy my time before i go to college. maybe i jsut shouldnt work in the morning. if she doesnt give me the site supervisor position. i will nto work. ugh


things to come:
may 1: rain, finish college stuff
may 9: wcal finals, uc english test
may 13: kyle and michelle's bday
may 15: senior skip day, ccs trials
may 16: senior ball, ccs finals
may 23: graduation!!!!
may 24: graduation party

btw. i am rooming with kmae in college =]
peace out

fourteen days

soo basically the first week back from coming home from immersion. it has been super difficult i am not gonna lie. cus in all the classes we basically have one more unit to do and i jstu feel lik i am not doing/gonna do anything and there is not point for school right now. so yeah i am kinda being overwhelmed right now because of everything with the immersion. and kyle anderberg and i are doing a presentation for romoorho's homeroom. i need to make a power point aobut the work that we did with josalyn's group. so i needa get that form her and somehow kyle and i need to figure out how to make a power point. hahahaha. hes the cutest kiddo ever! he needs to get not shy lol. i would take him to my prom but i have my boyfriend. who i am going to ask to prom tomoro at his demo. omg that is so scary for me. i dont want to ask him in front of everyoneeeeeee but i guess i am. i hope jesse follows through lik the loser he is. idk i jsut texted him and he is being a lazy butt. and wat not. so yeah.


immersion was amazing. and i want to talk about it but i have all the time int he world but i am in the mood to do some baking. cus i owe lots of peeps and i am going to make it for the retreat ppl. and i need to write the letters for them and all that jazz. its going to be great i guess. i hope. and then i am going to go prom dress shopping tomro mornign with my mommy. its gonna be fun. i should be showering and allt aht stuff now but i think i will tomro mornign. hopefully i can get some sleep. ok i need to start now. lol. nighty night. ill do this later.

love you, miss you all.