tears of love and confusion

tell me what do you do when you love someone so much taht the core of you hurts wen u cant please him. when you know that your not giving your all. he loves you with all his heart but u are not sure if u can give all of yours anymore because some of it is slowly going somewhere else. but you dont want it to yet you do. every cell in my body tells me to love the man who has taken care of me for the past 20 months. the man who gives me unconditional love and trusts me with all his heart. but i dont trust very well. and he knows that. i cant give him what he wants or wat i expect from him. im jsut incapable of doing so. is that my fault? why am i so hard to convince. why do i struggle with this? i am only fighting with myself. the answer should be simple. go wit the one u know truely cares about u. but how do i not know that the other one doesnt? i hav never asked. im too scared to ask wat he thinks of our conversations and texts. how do u ask something lik that? wat if its all you and he feels nothing at all? can you take the rejection? the loss of a new friend that has such a good heart? so most would say...its jsut a small crush at this time. but wat if im passing up on something real? how do i kno? what am i going to do with college? both will be far away but not really.one is in college. sophomore. more freedom. the other will still b in high school experiencing wat i jsut finished. and me. ill be saying hello to a brand new world and a new life. what will i do wen i meet new friends and new guys that might interest me? do i go thru all of this again? sometimes i feel lik having a boyfriend restricts me but at the same time he gives me so much love back so why am i complaining? wat if i cant control myself and i do something i will regret? i dont want to do that...but wat if i do? i do not want to hurt him. i dont understand why i am always questioning my love and relationships. why am i so confused. it all should be so simple and easy. but life isnt easy is it? no not really. it is so complex and filled with challenges that i dont kno i can always handle. i jsut hope i can get thru this with what i feel lik is going to be best for me. if i loose either of them i will hurt. i already lost one best friend. sean doesnt even talk to me. college please bring me more faithful friends.