FUCK!

FUCK YOU MOM! UR BEING SUCH A BITCH! AND DAD UR A FUCKIN LAZY ASS COUCH POTATO! FUCKKKKKKKKK YOU ALLL I HOPE U HATE UR LIFE WEN IM GONE! I HOPE U NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN! FUCK U ALL! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

hellooo college!!!

omg there is so much that is going on in my life yet so little if you know at i mean. i am watchin so you think u can dance! it is my favorite show ever! i truely enjoy it. so there has been a lot going on i just dont kno wat i need to talk about.


lets start backwards if i can remember. so today i woke up at 945 to miguel's text. bah. so i woke up took a shower and then left to go to wells fargo. so i can be rushed into the world of adulthood. who knew that there were so many things to worry about in life with all this moeny and college and work. and debit cards and saving accounts. its all so much. who knew who knew. and all that. lots of signing. eww i hate my signature but supposedly its really nice according to kaitlin pham. so yeah i went to go pick up my sistah and i ran into cipi. it was funny she scared me. and then i went to costco for lunch and then acupuncture. and then i went to pick up kp at sf. yes i went back to saint francis. haahah i think ppl are gettin tired of seeing me. lmao. and then i went to drop my sister off at practice. omg i almost ran into my coach. i stopped my car. reversed. and got the fuck outta there!!! hahahhahahah then i waited a couple minutes and went to drop off my sister. funnyyyy. then i went to kp's house and we ate lots of food. we almost started to get work done but that didnt happen. we went on facebook and just started leaving everyone videos! hahah. good stuff. oh man it was wayy too much fun! but some ppl's facebooks were being so lamee it wouldnt let me =[ kp and i had way too much fun. yeah and then yeaaaaaa. hahahah kaitlin our love our stuff. OMG LIL C JSUT QUOTED TRICKING!!! if u kno wat im talkin about. tha stuff htat marques does! omg btw my mom is so fuckin annoying! why the fuck cant i jsut fricken enjoy my life. let me go out for once or else im never coming home during college. i jsut wanna b out and about. live my fucking life. shiiiit i wanna slap her in the fuckin face sometimes!!!! ughhhhhhhh


sooo. wats next. i hate swimming and i hate our swim team and i jsut wanna get hte fuck out. yea


before this i didnt do much either. i think i am going to hang out with miguel tomro. i wanted to go to emily's but i guess not. haha. should i go to morning practice? nah

my life is so complicated. what do i do..can someone tell me. i feel lik i hav no life. and nothin fun to do. so st joseph festival this weekend. i wanna go on friday and then go to a party after and jsut not tell my parents hahahaha. i should try to get a ride. yeee. i need to work on this davis honors challenge. gag my life. i cant wait for college. yesterday i hav learned that alex alyssa and buffy hav decided that they hav claimed me for preseason for swimming at davis. and anne litak and i are excited for the farmers market next year. and free hugs or deluxe hugs for a dollar. hahahaha yay college.

grad party

thanks for coming guys!!! i love you all! it was all very good. i am tired. time to recover and then emmy's tomro!!! yesss partyyy! night!

oh dear

oh dear oh dear. so ironic thing was that i talked about wanting to kno wat the other boy thought. and somehow it came up. oh dear oh dear. the tables have turned. things are diff. now i really am not sure wat to do. oh dear. oh btw my life is complete. the hottest guy ever to step onto our pool deck introduced himself to me. i guess working out and coaching has a lil bit more of an advantage to it. =] hottie hottie hottie let me see you pop that body. zayummmm is all i gotta say. shit wat do i do with my boyfrined? help? im so stuck

tears of love and confusion

tell me what do you do when you love someone so much taht the core of you hurts wen u cant please him. when you know that your not giving your all. he loves you with all his heart but u are not sure if u can give all of yours anymore because some of it is slowly going somewhere else. but you dont want it to yet you do. every cell in my body tells me to love the man who has taken care of me for the past 20 months. the man who gives me unconditional love and trusts me with all his heart. but i dont trust very well. and he knows that. i cant give him what he wants or wat i expect from him. im jsut incapable of doing so. is that my fault? why am i so hard to convince. why do i struggle with this? i am only fighting with myself. the answer should be simple. go wit the one u know truely cares about u. but how do i not know that the other one doesnt? i hav never asked. im too scared to ask wat he thinks of our conversations and texts. how do u ask something lik that? wat if its all you and he feels nothing at all? can you take the rejection? the loss of a new friend that has such a good heart? so most would say...its jsut a small crush at this time. but wat if im passing up on something real? how do i kno? what am i going to do with college? both will be far away but not really.one is in college. sophomore. more freedom. the other will still b in high school experiencing wat i jsut finished. and me. ill be saying hello to a brand new world and a new life. what will i do wen i meet new friends and new guys that might interest me? do i go thru all of this again? sometimes i feel lik having a boyfriend restricts me but at the same time he gives me so much love back so why am i complaining? wat if i cant control myself and i do something i will regret? i dont want to do that...but wat if i do? i do not want to hurt him. i dont understand why i am always questioning my love and relationships. why am i so confused. it all should be so simple and easy. but life isnt easy is it? no not really. it is so complex and filled with challenges that i dont kno i can always handle. i jsut hope i can get thru this with what i feel lik is going to be best for me. if i loose either of them i will hurt. i already lost one best friend. sean doesnt even talk to me. college please bring me more faithful friends.

hello world

well hello there world it has been a bit of a long time since i have been here. seems to me that it seems like my life would be drama infested and very eventful. i guess i can think of a thing or two to talk bout. you kno me i will rant about pretty much anything if you'll let me. =] its a gift i must say. so the last time i checked i wrote showed my letter that i wrote to OD. btw shout out to bryant! who throws yogurt covered raisins like a psycho path! adam will win! bahahha. so anyways. on whatever day that was..prolly tuesday. yes tuesday the day before kyle and michelle's bday. we had collab and kimmy tells me that miss hill was talking hella shit about me during bball practice. oh big suprise! whoop dee doo bitch! and then my uneventful day turned worse wen i was greated with a beautiful yellow pass sending me to the athletic office during 2nd period. we werent doing anything particularly special so i was glad to leav but i knew for a fact hta tit was probably about swimming. duh. so pilawski talk to me blah blah blah. listens to me say all these things that the coaches and other teachers have done to me ...lik hello! call the administration! harrassment perhaps? no cus pilawski who i used to think was such a cool guy is such a lil bitch. he wouldnt do anything about it but just try to pull the "well if u stayed on the team this long than why dont u jsut wait another week cus they need you" card. yeah the fuck right. i mean if i pushed and forced myself to keep doing this bs for how many months wat makes u think that i would want to do it on my last real week of school. i am so glad i made the decisions i did. forget it. and forget them. and fuck my parents! seriously they back me this whole time they even push me and stuff. and guess wat they yell at me ten times more about nothing. and aobut not goin to a walk on meet today saying that i promised to go. why the fuck would i go the day after prom? and most esp if i didnt go to ccs adn i wasnt training the week before. i am so tired of swimming. so done with it. i have passion but its not in the action of doing teh sport. its for the ppl that i do it with. i have passion for being a leader. i think ppl mix that up sometimes and expect somehting out of me that i dont want to do. i mean i am allowed to finally be selfish.i am going to college. this is when i become independetn and wen i grow by myself. i most def will not call my parents if they keep getitn on myi fucking nerves and ass about everything. it will all be exclusively by emial. cus thats all i do. i dont talk on the phone either. ok so after teh talk with pilawski i was in such a bad mood. i was crying everywhere. tryin to calm down and went back to class. i was so fumed and angry that the coaches had to send pilawski to do their dirty work. jsut email me back you dont need to talk to me face to face. well after school i went for a run with kp. that felt really good to get a good run and figure things out. just letting everythign go. yenno.

wednesday was kyle and michelles bday. if the day could have been any more perfect yet stressful. so it was my last day of tests and stuff. ex sci and math. yee yee. i was planning on studying during first period but i ended up havin to do stuff for the lil bday party. so i made the beautiful pink ice cream cake. so basically ms haggs put it away for me. and then at lunch i was pulled out of class early. and then i sent out passes to everyoen sayin that it was for a fundraising thing. it worked perfectly!! hess was there. we partied it up lik no other. and then kyle and chels were at confirmation. and so then carlie tim liz and i went to go kidnap him. lik really kidnap him with a blindfold and everything thru the whole quad. it was perfect!! so funny too he was freaking out. the suprise for him went well too. omg it just was so perfect. i hope that he really appreciated it because i planned the whole thing! yee yee. i kno hess loved it.

prom was last night. it was eh. short. ok i guess. im watchin a movie now. im too distracted.
peace

long day

Dear Coach O'Donnell,
This email is to inform you that I will not be participating this year in our CCS championships. Although I was able to qualify in the 100 back and get closer to my best time at WCALS, there are many other factors that have helped me make this decision. So that you know, my decision has been made and it will not change. I have discussed this with my parents, my club coach, and some of my teammates. I have thought really hard about everything that happened throughout the season and what I usually expect to get when i attend CCS. I know, for a fact, that when I am sitting there on Santa Clara's pool deck I will not be having the fun and complete satisfaction as I have achieved in my past three years competing in CCS.

This season has been a very big roller coaster ride for me. It all started off pretty bad from the very beginning with the confrontation between trollope, o'malley, and myself. I had teachers who were telling me that I was dumb for crying and making such a fuss, that I had no right to even have an opinion! They told me that I was just another student! But isn't this my high school career? shouldn't, we, students have a very big impact on how the season would be fun because these are our memories that we will never forget? I won't drop any names but there were definately a couple non-swimming coaches who were telling me this. I was heavily embarrassed and I did not like how this private information was being passed outside of our coaching staff and myself. Right then I knew that this season was going to be an unpleasant one, I almost did not come back. Why did I stay then might you ask? It is because of my teammates. These girls are the most special and pure things about high school swimming that i love the most. They are the reason why I pulled through. It was because they asked me to stay. So then I rejoined the team after not being allowed to go to Sectionals because I fell under two sinus infections and one flu back to back. Getting back into swimming was very hard especially with the workouts that were being given to us. No offense, the workouts had a good idea behind it to build the teams endurance before the racing season started, but they were the most boring sets I have ever gone through. Most of them were huge amounts of 200s or 50s that were at a way too big of a rest. And then the sets continued to be like that for the whole season until the moment we started tapering. I think that made it really hard for sprinters, such as myself, to get any sprint work in or get-up and go speed. Sprint sets need to be more complex to make it interesting. Not only were the workouts very boring, the line-ups never changed.

The first meet I swam the 200 free, which I am pretty sure I told you I really did not want to swim, and the 50 free. My 200 free turned out so bad because we were in an indoor pool that I could not breathe in and because I cannot swim events past a 100 anymore. I was also put into the B and C relays. At first this did not bother me too much because you were trying out the new team and doing line-ups for the first time. But then it continued and I was not being put into anymore individual events. See, the girls told me that I should talk to you about it and I tried to, but whenever I started to I got really scared because of what happened the first time I tried to talk to the coaches about something. I did not want more gossip spreading about me througout the faculty at our school. And what bothered me also was that I was never given a chance to even swim in the A relays. I was on the record breaking, CCS champion relay team last year! It was a huge disappointment. So I stopped caring and trying my hardest at your workouts. What was the point or my motivation? I was being ignored and I know for a fact no one ever got my splits off of the relays. This was my senior year and I was being treated like a nobody. So midseason I asked myself again, Why am I here? If I am so uncomfortable on this team why don't I jsut quit. And I almost did. No one gave me the time of day. Pretty much every person I knew from our competitive teams noticed and questioned it. The only answer I could think of was that none of the coaches liked me because I opened my big fat mouth that first meeting we had. So again, the question arises, Why did I stay? And again, the answer is because of my teammates. I stayed because I was the person most of them came to when they had a problem or when they needed someone to talk to. I told myself that I will go as far as WCALs where the points I score matter the most and I will stop there. CCS is a very individual meet for our team. We have a large group of talented swimmers but not enough to get first of second in the section and I know that I am not even close to being considered for an A relay, therefore, I decided that this is the time for me to pull out and let the rest of the team finish the season on their own. Hopefully, there is another girl who was able to qualify for the 100 back and now has the opportunity to swim it.

I regret not being able to talk to you about this after WCALs but I had to leave for church. I wish the best of luck to you for the rest of your season and the ones that follow. I am sorry that things had worked out this way and was not the experience that I had expected after last years achievements. I would really appreciate it if you did not spread this around to many of the other coaches and hopefully there are no bitter feelings. If you would like to talk to me about this in person, you may, but my decision stands.

-- Victoria Pichay


that was the long very long email that i sent to OD last night. so i guess now i am not in high school swimming anymore. today was a very long day. i had a physics test that i failed miserably. but supposedly ikezi says im fine cus i have such a high a. well idk. and today was jsut not good. i slept for lik a billion hours i feel lik ughh. my head hurts. i dont think i have any homework for tomro. so im safe. and i jsut needa do my math test and ex. sci test and then im doneski. i have the senior awards night on weds. and kyle and michelle's birthday party. i hope my paretns dont expect me to swim tomoro. im too tired. ok im out. night

results from wcal trials

so thought i would jsut let this out cus i am still a lil shocked that it even went that well for me. so basically. i swam teh 50 free. went a 26.0 and made the top 8. HOWEVER, because we can only allow 4 girls from our team to qualify for finals i go booted out cus i was 5th. oh well. thats fine. i guess today was the last time i saw that even individually in high school. and then i swam the 100 back. swam again haley and hillary from mitty. and caroline i jsut wanted to beat caroline. and i did but lik 2 seconds. mwahahha. and the coaches didnt ever let me swim that event. wat a joke. i killed it. i drafted right off of hilary and jstu took her speed. bahah. but now i have to find a fast suit to wear for saturday. and i have lots of work to do. =/ adn yeah. so i should get ont hat. and i need to look over stuff for my placemetn test on saturday. i am going to confirmation!! to watch all you peeps. i am kdina excited. ok im out.

wcal trial???

hey andrew! i kno that your reading this! bahahah. so anyways life is ehh. confusing. i am so tired because last night i stayed up till 12 wen i was planning on sleeping at 1045. fricken boyfriend and i got into some beef. again as usual. its annoying because he thinks that i blame him for everything which is sometimes true. but then at other times its not cus lik how can i not blame it on you if im hurting. if im hurting then something must be wrong. either from your side or my side. i tell him but he doesnt listen. he says he'll change or fix things but it gets worse and worse. i dont kno i am so confused. he told me that he is gonna try and fix things but if i am really hurting that he wants me to jsut end it. i dont kno anymore. i dont kno if college is gonnna work out for us. i dont kno if i have the trsut and stuff to really work this out. its sooo soo fricken hard being the girl that doesnt kno anything. he has all these new best friends from his fraternity. and he is always with them. i dont kno who they are. he doesnt tell me anything aobut htem other than the fact that they are his brothers. i mean sure i probably am a lil insecure. but i am. i admit it. its jsut really hard not knowing whats going on. and then i see pictures on his phone of him going off places and i wish he told me he does thtat. cus all he tells me is that he went to school and ate and slept. its the anal person inside of me that thinks he is hiding things from me. i dotn want to think that but i kno i will anyways. and then there are still those gross pics and videos of laina and ali throwing up. tahts kidnaish disgusting perhaps?? lik seriuosly i want to throw up watchin it. why would u keep that on yoru phoen. yuck.


so yeah now i am here. at school. in the library. gettin ready for school to start. i am leaving school at 1 to go to wcals at shp. tis not going to go well at all. i beleive taht i am going to fail miserably. more news to come on taht.


so school is almost over. this is near the end of my last full week of school. how crazy is that??? i have so many things that i am still stressing about. major senioritis but i dotn really at the same time. kmae and i arent rooming together anymore cus shelley got her appeal so now they are roomign together. no big. i wasnt mad at kmae but i think she thought i was. but its ok. its jsut the small fears came back. lik who is my roommate going to be? are we gonna get along? will my floormates be good? will i find ppl who really understand me? i am scared. but i def wanna bring a mini fridge. and hopefully my roommate likes rice cus i wanan bring a mini rice cooker. hahahah. and a tv. and i want a laptop. yea yea. but yeah college is so many scary things going on. so many ups and downs. so many maybes. its a scary world out there. i only am going 2 hours away but thats still feels lik a totally diff world. ill be by myself. no friends. well there are hella ppl from sf going but who knows wats goin to happen with taht. hopefully i make the swim team but they let me enjoy and hopefully swim fast again. holly deneffe got her appeal =] lots and lots of ppl are attending. so i only have to take one final and its in curley's class!! bahah curley!! i can just easily bs that shit. math grade is good. i am happy. hopefully all my grades stay up because if i have to take a final i am jsut ot going to study and my grades will fall cus i dotn care. i jsut nee this to be over.
almost doneski.

may 7 -- cipi's birthday, wcal trials
may 8 -- eglish presetnation, gov reading quiz, shoes for prom??
may 9 -- english placement test in aptos, wcal finals, prom shoes
may 10 - make cake for michelle and kyle's bday, make something for mommy on her day
may 11 - mothers day, physics test
may 12 -
may 13 - kyle and michelle's bday, sr exempt due date, math and ex. sci test.
may 14 - who gives a fuck!! hahah
may 15 - senior skip day!, nails, get rid of tan lines, sleep enjoy!
may 16 - prom! hair at 11, makeup at 3 yeee
may 17 - cut/color hair
may 18 - transition liturgy
may 19 - chill no finals!
may 20 - final/final, marques finishes school, chill
may 21 - curley final, senior picnic, yearbooks
may 22 - graduation practice 9-12, baccalaurete mass 7
may 23 - GRADUATION!! 10 am
may 24 - graduation party 12-630 ish (invites to come)
may 25 - sept 24 summer -- who gives a fuck im going out and living life!