god's plans

im not exatly sure if i agree with wat god has been up to these past couple of months. iono wat he has been thinkin or what he is doing but i definately do not agree.

today was a day filled with emotions. a lot of things on my mind tha ti jsut needa get out befroe i explode.

i feel lik such a bitch. i feel soo guilty and stupid iono wat i was thinkin. today i was hella hating on jessica in my head. god i was so selfish and stupid i thot she was being soo annoying and stupid and i couldnt stand her. but wat an idiot i am cus i think that only bad things happen to me and forget about everyone else. her cousin was killed in teh drive by in fremont this weekned and god i feel lik the biggest bitch in the world. how could i be so stupid nad forget that other ppl go thru the same pains as i do. i shouldnt be treating ppl lik htat and its horrible. but how could her cousin get shot lik that. she was only 19 and she got shot because of something that her bf did. she was shot in the head and her brains basically exploded. i was jsut thinkin aobut wat its lik to lose someone lik that wihtout warning. life would stop for me. but it doesnt stop it keeps on going and the more u isolate urself the more u hav to catch up on. and life will never stop for u no matter how much u want it to.

during practice iw as gettin really frustrated that i was wasting my life doing something that i absolutely hate. my parents want me to do something productive with my life and guess what wasting 2 nd a half hours or plus a day doesnt help. esp if i dont want to do it ever. lik wen i go to college i jsut will quit. im gettin sick of my parents controlling my life and forcing me to do things that i dont wanna do. they go around telling their friends aobut my dreams and things that htey kno about me. but no they dont kno anythign about me. cus wen i tell them bout things that i hav dreams for they jsut shoot it down and dont even give me a chance. all i really wanna do is hav a jumpstart on my career. god im soo excited to learn more about sports pyschology. i can at least say that i kno i will love wat i end up doing wit my life. this is wat i really wanna do ....
-quit swimming
-work for hte trainer at my skool
-meet ppl that can help me determine more aobut wat area in sports psychology i want to do
-go to georgetown
god i hate how my parents dont want me to go there. its lik this is my life and my future can u jsut pls let me do wat i want to do. there is a time where htey need to stop or else i mite jsut kill myself. not even joking they drive me crazy that they wont let me do wat i feel lik would make me happy. htey are jsut steppin all over my dreams. they hav taken away so much form me over these years but i will nto let them say no to this. this is wat iw ant and they will nto stop me i will not let them do it. no no no



HEY I GOT A B ON MY HISTORY TEST!! finally. yeee.


peace <3

pray for those that hav left this world..and hold on to those special to u.