young love

i dont know what love is anymore? i want to love him. he loves me enough to give me a chance to find it again. i dont know if i lost love after all the problems or if it was never there. i dont kno the difference between what love is and what it isnt. what am i supposed to do. how am i supposed to find it? he gave me a chance. ugh. but do i deserve it? hes too good to me. i think he secretly hates me because of all the things he puts me through. but i dont kno. he puts me through the pain too. and it makes me wonder if that is why i stopped loving him. i dont remember how to love anymore. how do i love someone who isnt there to talk to me anymore. it hurts me. i dont kno anymore. he is waiting. should he be waiting? i dont kno ugh. im so confused. i want to find love again. i want it so bad but wat if i dont find it? what if its not there. he says hes going to wait for me.
ahh ahhh ahh FML!!

too much fighting. im tired of fighting. of crying all the time. i cant even look at him without crying because i am so disappointed in myself. and im sure he is too.

im sorry. so so sorry.